Jerry Jones, Submit Malone and the Dallas Cowboys: A Holy Trinity from Dallas

Earlier this week, the Dallas Cowboys, along with Post Malone, the unofficial mascot for Dallas and America’s team, released their release video for the upcoming 2021 season. Whether you’re a fan of Jerry World in Arlington and its dominance in our surrounding suburbs, nothing escapes its influence on the city’s culture. It only fits that the man behind the world’s most valuable sports team is working with the grapevine singer who broke (one of) Michael Jackson’s Billboard records.

The video opens with “The Postman,” a person based on Malone’s stage name, in a cowboy-inspired postal courier uniform. It’s dark blue and goes with the colors that Ezekiel Elliott and Dak Prescott who later emerge proudly wear. In the upper left corner is the patriotic cowboys star on Malone’s chest, complemented by an embroidered flame to highlight “POSTY” in the cowboys’ blue block letters.

When the postman arrives at Jerry’s door, it’s locked. Until the voice of one of the most powerful men in Dallas announced “I’ve been waiting” to one of his employees who grants Jerry’s World postman passage. As expected, the video draws attention to its collection of NFL trophies and Hall of Fame rings until the two men meet at this suburban office where legends are made.

“Jerry!” excludes the postman. Jones turns away like a handsome grandfather who has made peace with his heavily tattooed grandson. Once Jerry says, “Let’s go partying,” the postman’s head morphs into a series of psychedelic patterns, turning the video into a frat boy’s wet dream.

Suddenly there is Post Malone, decked out in a blinging cowboy hat with his namesake. Jerry transforms into the coolest suburban grandpa you’ve ever seen. He has championship rings on his fingers and trendy Crocs on his feet. A true fashion icon. The two playfully play beer pong, which ends with the placement of a swanky cowboy chain on Jerry’s neck. Then the two make it rain maps of 2021 from the second floor that land on Zeke and Dak, who of course say “wow”, an ode to Malone’s Billboard chart song.

As the last of the Millennials, first of Gen Z, I understand why they produced a video aimed at my generation. It’s a rebranding of pop culture made up of all the important components: relevance, young attractive players and hip-hop. And it worked because I played this video in a row (Shoutout to Drake). Despite my personal feelings about Jerry’s history of black player sports activism in the past, the Dallas bird in me is really excited for the season ahead.

I will never forget the scream that broke out of my chest on October 11th when Dak suffered a dislocated ankle fracture. It felt like the end of a season, even though Ezekiel was a soldier from the rest of the game with his then-new “Feed Me” tattoo. But most of us really knew it was a day and hope 2021 will get better.

Based on our draft selections, it looks like our prayers will be answered. Despite what Tom Brady said on Instagram, the Cowboys are ready to be back. I’ll watch. I just thought: Didn’t anyone call Dorrough?

Feel free to email me, jerry or post, my inbox is waiting for your reply (and tickets). And why not, here is what our colleagues thought about the video.

Rosin Saez, Online Dining Editor:

Unless you’re croc’in, you don’t rock like the old TikTok saying goes. And Posty’s star-studded crocodiles could skyrocket Croc stock (JK, that was Nicky Minaj recently, as Taylor told us this morning). Back to the video: The fact that the magnetic front doors could not be opened was only a slight trigger. Weren’t we all there? Not respected by a door? In terms of food and drink, I’m a little surprised that the Post Rosé, which it launched last summer, wasn’t in the plastic cups – missed opportunity! Also: What does Game of Thrones look like, like Jerry Jones, and why is he one hundred percent the Night King with his cold, ice-blue eyes?

Alex Macon, Senior Digital Editor:

If inflated marketing budgets, celebrities, and Jerry Jones were shameless – and increasingly troubling as they age – this would make for a much happier Cowboys fan. As it is, I have to settle for bizarre videos of a Crocs spokesperson playing beer pong with a 78-year-old man. The cowboys are now firmly in their imperial decline period, in which the well-funded illusion of past power is used to project, and in some ways even create, real power in the present. It is fitting that when America gets more absurd, America’s team goes too.

But who am I kidding? I eat this stuff. I have about 10 items of clothing with this blue star on it. I’m wearing a hat right now. I am always ready for soccer. Go cowboys.

Matt Goodman, Online Editor-in-Chief:

I hate how much I like this. I think it’s the noises. The squeaky chair. The strange growl the envelope makes. It’s not quite Tim and Eric, but it has some particularly weird touches from such a relatively buttoned-up franchise. Plus, Beer Pong Jerry looks wonderfully grotesque and fits better into an Aphex Twin video than dancing to George Strait with Kate Bosworth and a plastic cup with Johnny Walker Blue. I don’t like Posty, but I’ve played this three times.

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